Recently, I listened to an interview with a man who had deconstructed his faith, largely because of the sins and imperfections he had witnessed in his father and the church leadership he grew up with. It quickly became clear that he had embraced what appeared to be a status of victimhood as a way to justify openly disobeying God and His Word, which he had once been taught.
He openly admitted that this path cost him his marriage, shattered his relationship with his father, and led him into other destructive behaviors. Yet in his mind, the fact that he carried “trauma” permitted him to live however he pleased. The host of the interview seemed to agree with him, and as I listened, a sobering truth hit me: this is what Christianity becomes when THE PAIN we experience becomes THE THRONE we bow before. When that happens, Jesus no longer holds the place of Lord in our lives; our victimhood does.
Unfortunately, victimhood has become a prevailing cultural narrative, giving justification for any way of living. God’s people must be like the sons of Issachar, mentioned in 1 Chronicles 12:32, “who understood the times to know what God’s people should do.” Our therapeutic culture has elevated emotional wounds, perceived oppression, and victim status into a kind of moral high ground, a new standard we use to excuse and even defend disobedience to God. Instead of being called higher, we settle into the bondage of our pain/trauma, letting it define our identity and dictate our choices.
Leaders need to be aware of cultural strongholds — ways of thinking that keep God’s people in bondage — so they can help them find freedom.
WARNING: READ AT YOUR OWN RISK! (Leaders, please note: the following is written as satire to expose a cultural stronghold — the bondage of victimhood — that we must recognize to help God’s people overcome. Practical steps for addressing it are included at the end.)
After 43 years in church leadership, I am blowing the Whistle on our church’s Toxic Culture.
After 45 years of participating in Jesus’ church and holding leadership roles, I can no longer stay silent. I am finally coming forward as a courageous whistleblower against the toxic, abusive, and cult-like nature of our church. For too long, believers have suffered under oppressive leadership structures, emotionally manipulative teachings, and an expectation to suffer for their faith. Someone has to say it: OUR CHURCH IS UNSAFE AND DANGEROUS!
The Toxicity Started with our Founder
Our church’s toxic culture began with our leader, Jesus. From the beginning, He demanded absolute loyalty. He required followers to abandon their personal identities and even hinted that their own families might not like it. Doesn’t this sound a little cultish?
Consider His radical statements that are recorded and can be used to expose His abuse clearly:
- “And He said to all, If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me. (24) For whoever will save his life shall lose it, but whoever will lose his life for My sake, he shall save it” (Luke 9:23-24).
He even indicated that it could cost his followers their family relationships, clearly a cult-like idea!
- “Do not think that I have come to bring peace on earth. I did not come to send peace, but a sword. (35) For I have come to set a man against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. (36) And a man’s foes shall be those of his own household. (37) He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me” (Matthew 10:34-38).
Luke also recorded this manipulative statement in Luke 14:25-33, adding that this consideration is part of “counting the cost,” which includes a “forsaking of all his possessions” as part of the cost to follow Him.
He even manipulated a fellow leader, calling him Statn
Jesus even accused one of His closest leaders of having Satan in him, before telling them all to “deny themselves,”…talk about manipulation!
- “But He turned and said to Peter, Go, Satan! You are an offense to Me, for you do not savor the things that are of God, but those that are of men. (24) Then Jesus said to His disciples, If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me… (26) For what is a man profited if he shall gain the whole world and lose his own soul? Or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?” (Matthew 16:23-26).
Calling someone Satan, who was struggling with his leader heading towards sacrifice, isn’t fair.
This wasn’t the only time Jesus manipulated people who wanted to follow Him. In twenty of the thirty-four times, Jesus commanded people to “follow Him, come after Him, or come to Him,” He emphasized a personal cost, “forsake all, turn away from them, abandon money and possessions,” etc. This creates the ultimate manipulative trauma. He leaves no room for self-expression, no space to “live your truth.” Instead of affirming people where they were and letting them find healing in staying there, He expected radical transformation. Don’t you think we need to be careful here?
John: The Judgy, Exclusive Gatekeeper.
John was one of the first main leaders of our church. He records a manipulative aspect of these same commands of Jesus by adding, “he who hates his life in this world, shall keep it to life eternal” (self-hate is the ultimate result of traumatic experiences). What about helping people out of it?
- “He who loves his life shall lose it. And he who hates his life in this world shall keep it to life eternal. (26) If anyone serves Me, let him follow Me; and where I am, there also My servant shall be” (John 12:25-26).
John preached an absolute type of truth that is very narrow-minded. In fact, in 1 John 3:4, 8-9, he had the audacity to say:
- “Everyone who practices sin also practices lawlessness…No one who is born of God will continue to sin…he who practices sin is of the devil”
Just because someone makes mistakes doesn’t mean they are “of the devil.” James makes it sound like there is an expectation that people must change to be considered part of this movement. This is very manipulative. What about authenticity? What about grace? John should have reassured them, not pressured them to transform.
This wasn’t just a one-off rant of John’s; near the end of his life, he wrote about this consistently. In his last writing he wrote to seven main churches in Asia Minor, as seen in the book of Revelation. He called most of them to “repent” eight times. “Repent” is clearly a trigger word. Only one of the seven churches, Philadelphia, wasn’t pressured to repent, but He did humiliate them by bringing up their shortcomings, “you have little power” (Revelation 3:7-8).
Repent sounds like spiritual coercion to me. John even reported that Jesus said to the church in Laodecia that their lukewarmness made Him “sick to His stomach…and will cause Him to throw up.”
- “So because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of My mouth.” (Revelation 3:16)
How about some gentleness instead of rejection? Some positive reinforcement instead of threats? But no, Jesus (via John) offers condemnation instead of validation.
Peter and James: Just as Problematic
Peter seems like a total shamer. In his first public message, he blamed the audience he was preaching to for Jesus’ death (Acts 2:36). That’s just abusive. No wonder they “repented and asked what they should do” (Acts 2:47), and he used the “R” word (Repent). I wonder how many of them were really bullied into the Kingdom?
How about James? James told people to weep over their sin (James 4:8-9). He made it seem like being sorrowful and mournful about their “mistakes” is somehow part of drawing near to God. How repressive! God understands our shortcomings and is okay with them. That encourages them to being sin-conscious instead of focusing on how great they are. That emotional abuse sounds like condemnation and legalism. Where’s the encouragement? Where’s the self-love?
- “Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. (8) Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. (9) Be miserable and mourn and weep; let your laughter be turned into mourning and your joy to gloom. (10) Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you” (James 4:7-10)
What a total manipulation of emotions! We should never feel bad, and we shouldn’t force people in that direction.
How About Paul?
If the previous leaders weren’t bad enough, there is Paul. He took the reins and ramped up the abuse and oppression. This guy thought he had the authority to judge people, call them out by name, and shame them in public letters!
- “Alexander the coppersmith did me much harm; the Lord will repay him according to his deeds.” (2 Timothy 4:14)
- “I urge Euodia and I urge Syntyche to live in harmony.” (Philippians 4:2)
Really, Paul? Asking God to repay Alexander in front of others is totally shaming and manipulative. Why didn’t he go to them in private, instead of manipulating them in front of the whole church?
What about Euodia and Syntyches’ personal journey? Instead of respecting their personal boundaries, he tried to force them to reconcile. What about their potential need to stay in their “safe spaces” and giving their emotions time to determine if they really want to walk together.
It gets worse than that. He not only called out Hymenaeus and Alexander publicly for disagreeing with him (can’t we all have our own perspective on things), but said he “handed them over to Satan to teach them a lesson.” Can you believe that!!! Threatening to use satan for discipline, what kind of an evil cult leader would do that? Just because they didn’t go along completely with what Paul taught didn’t mean they deserved to be given to Satan… can someone even do that?
- “keeping faith and a good conscience, which some have rejected and suffered shipwreck in regard to their faith. (20) Among these are Hymenaeus and Alexander, whom I have handed over to Satan, so that they will be taught not to blaspheme” (1 Timothy 1:19-20).
He then said Hymenaeus and Philetus’ perspectives (talk) were like “gangrene.” Can you believe that? Can’t everyone express their perspective on what is true? Saying their words was like a sickness that would spread, and telling people not to listen to them sounds like bullying to me.
- “But avoid worldly and empty chatter, for it will lead to further ungodliness, (17) and their talk will spread like gangrene. Among them are Hymenaeus and Philetus, (18) men who have gone astray from the truth saying that the resurrection has already taken place, and they upset the faith of some” (2 Timothy 2:16-18).
But that’s not all. What about Paul’s inflated ego and coercion? He told people to imitate him. What about imitating Jesus first, and then imitating you if they think they should?
- “Be imitators of me, just as I also am of Christ” (1 Corinthians 11:1).
Excuse me? Be like you? What about individuality? Personal identity? Boundaries? This is spiritual authoritarianism.
Their Obsession with Suffering
If you thought their teaching was bad, their approach to suffering was worse. Instead of fighting for personal rights, they told believers to accept persecution!
- “Blessed are those who are persecuted.” (Matthew 5:10)
- “Rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ.” (1 Peter 4:13)
- “To live is Christ, and to die is gain.” (Philippians 1:21)
So… if someone is insulted, canceled, arrested, beaten, or even killed for their faith, they’re supposed to rejoice? That’s not devotion—that’s brainwashing.
Final Thoughts: It’s Time to Call out our Church and Cancel the Apostles
Let’s be honest: the early church, of which I have been a part for 45 years (Hebrews 11:39-12:2) was an oppressive system of guilt, control, and extreme demands. The apostles refused to affirm people’s personal truths; they prioritized commitment over comfort, and they glorified suffering instead of self-care. I am finally blowing the whistle…I hope to gain a lot of followers and become an influencer, so I can at least receive some financial compensation for all the sacrifices I’ve made over the years. (END OF THE SATIRE).
How can we help people remove victimhood from the throne of their lives and begin to see Jesus as Lord, allowing Him to build His church with us?
Embrace them with both Tears and Truth: We must embody Jesus’ heart, which cares for each person deeply. Help bear their burden with compassion, while also presenting the truth that will help lead them out of destructive patterns of living.
Teach Identity in Christ, Not Identity in Pain: Many people define themselves by what happened to them. Leaders must consistently encourage the new identity believers have in Christ. “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away…” (2 Cor. 5:17). Trauma may explain someone’s behavior, but it doesn’t define them forever. Replace labels like “broken,” “abused,” and “rejected” with “beloved,” “restored,” and “chosen.”
Challenge Entitlement & Bitterness Gently but Boldly: A victim mentality often carries hidden entitlement, thinking, “I deserve special treatment because of what I’ve been through.” Instead, as Jesus asked, “Do you want to be healed?” (John 5:6). Jesus’ question to the man at the pool was direct; HE ADDRESSED HIS WILL OVER HIS WOUNDS. Leaders should ask questions gently and lovingly that call people to responsibility. Bitterness must be exposed for what it is: a trap, not a protective wall. (Hebrews 12:15)
Create a Culture of Responsibility: Victimology thrives in a culture that rewards helplessness. Church leaders can help by celebrating testimonies of transformation, not just trauma. Honor growth and obedience over emotionalism. Model humility by sharing your healing journey.
Disciple with Process, Not Just Breakthrough: Breakthrough doesn’t replace follow-through/discipleship. Help with inner healing, mentorship, and accountability. Teach practical spiritual habits: renewing the mind, forgiving enemies, replacing lies with truth. Help people form new habits of speaking life instead of rehearsing pain.
Encourage and Empower People to Serve: One of the best ways to break the victim cycle is to shift focus outward. Invite them into purposeful roles of servanthood, even small ones, to turn them away from self-obsession. Serving grows responsibility, identity, and joy. “Victims” become “victorious” when they start helping others.
Engage in the spiritual warfare side: Victimhood is not just psychological; it can be spiritual warfare. “We demolish arguments and every pretension… and we take captive every thought to make it obey Christ…” (2 Cor. 10:5). Teach about strongholds, the power of agreement, and how the enemy uses trauma to build false identities. Lead people in renouncing lies and declaring truth in prayer.
Use Language That Elevates (Word-based), Not Enables (Victim-based): How leaders talk with people helps create culture. We don’t simply want pity-based language but restorative language: “God is “doing a new thing” in your life and writing a new chapter,” “You’re not stuck,” and “You’re more than what you survived.”
May leaders help God’s people rise in Him, breaking free from sin and its power. Jesus declared His mission when He read from Isaiah 61 about the work He was starting, “then they will rebuild ancient ruins, raise up former devastations, and repair ruined cities, the desolation of many generations” (Isaiah 61:1-10, Luke 4:18-19). As we help God’s people break free, Jesus declares what the prophets predicted all through the Old Testament that He will raise them as the “Salt of the earth, the light of the world, a city set on a hill,” that demonstrates and declares God’s better life (Isaiah 2:2-3, 60:1-3, 61:1-11, Micah 4:1-2, Malachi 3:17-18, Daniel 12:1-3, Revelation 21:1-11).