There is a biblical experience that many Christian leaders have read about, possibly preached about, and perhaps even assumed they have, but in reality, many have never truly experienced it.
I’m not referring to preaching to large crowds, having a massive online following, leading successful “ministries”, planting churches, or building influential networks.
I’m talking about spiritual family both locally and trans locally.
Book of Philippians
We were recently going through a verse-by-verse study of the book of Philippians in a small group at our church. As we looked at it together and people discussed what they were seeing, we were reminded again about something amazing that became very clear. There was a relational life among Paul, the people walking and working with him like Timothy, Epaphroditus, and the church in Philippi that went way beyond what many leaders and churches experience in their own settings or the translocal groups, they identify with in other locations (denominations, networks, etc.).
We were confronted with a sobering question: Have most modern leaders and churches actually experienced the kind of relational life described in the New Testament?
For many, the honest answer is no.
More Than “Ministry” Relationships
Paul did not write to the Philippians as a distant executive overseeing an expanding organization, or an “Apostolic Head” wanting those in his “Network” to get in alignment for “success.”
Listen to his language from Philippians:
- Php 1:1-27 I thank my God in all my remembrance of you… For it is only right for me to feel this way about you all, because I have you in my heart… For God is my witness, how I long for you all with the affection of Christ Jesus… I will hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel;
- Php 2:1-5 …(2) make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. (3) Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; (4) do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.
- Php 2:19-28 But I hope in the Lord Jesus to send Timothy to you shortly, so that I also may be encouraged when I learn of your condition. (20) For I have no one else of kindred spirit who will genuinely be concerned for your welfare. (21) For they all seek after their own interests, not those of Christ Jesus. (22) But you know of his proven worth, that he served with me in the furtherance of the gospel like a child serving his father… (25) But I thought it necessary to send to you Epaphroditus, my brother and fellow worker and fellow soldier… (26) because he was longing for you all and was distressed because you had heard that he was sick… (28) Therefore I have sent him all the more eagerly so that when you see him again you may rejoice and I may be less concerned about you.
- Php 4:1-3, 21 Therefore, my beloved brethren whom I long to see, my joy and crown … to help these women who have shared my struggle in the cause of the gospel, together with Clement also and the rest of my fellow workers…Greet every saint in Christ Jesus. The brethren who are with me greet you.
These are not the words of someone maintaining professional or “ministry” relationships. They are the words of a spiritual father writing to his family whom he genuinely loves.
Throughout their letters, Paul, Peter, and John repeatedly (89 times) use expressions such as:
- Brother
- Fellow worker
- Fellow soldier
- Fellow prisoner
- Fellow servant
- True companion
- Bond Servant
- Beloved
- Son
- Partner
These are not merely titles of ministry function. They are descriptions of relationships rooted in God’s covenant love in which they are “in this together.”
The New Testament presents leadership/”ministry” as life shared together among a loving family, not simply work accomplished together.
Family Was Never a Metaphor
Too often we speak of the church as “being like a family.” Scripture goes much further. God’s design is family. The NT uses family imagery to describe God and His people 1655 times.
Paul reminds us that family derives its identity/name from the Father (Ephesians 3:14-15). Jesus promised an abundance of spiritual mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, and children to those who follow Him (Mark 10:29-30). Paul described Timothy and others as “my true son in the faith.”
These were not sentimental illustrations. They were descriptions of how Jesus’ church and God’s Kingdom actually function.
Unfortunately, in much of modern leadership/”ministry” there is a shallowness in relationships in which family is exchanged for organizational networking.
When Networks/Organizations Replace Family
Networks are not inherently wrong. There has to be an organizational aspect to family. They can be useful tools for cooperation and communication. The danger comes when the networking culture becomes the defining culture.
Networking thinks, “what am I getting out of this” while family thinks, “how can I love and serve so we can become the family God has called us to be?”
Networking often revolves around opportunities for personal advancement while family revolves around serving and covenant love.
Networking can unintentionally encourage leaders to build platforms, promote “ministries”, expand influence, and seek connections that advance personal success, while Jesus taught exactly the opposite. “The greatest among you shall be your servant” and “Love is the greatest command.”
Godly leadership is not measured by who knows your name but by who you love, whose burdens you willingly carry, and who are you laying your life down to serve. This type of relational life is a rarity among leaders.
Why This Matters Today
Recent ministry failures have caused many to ask:
- “How could this happen?”
- “Why didn’t anyone know?”
- “Why wasn’t there accountability?”
Perhaps another question deserves consideration. Did these leaders ever live inside the kind of spiritual family the New Testament both describes and prescribes?
Authentic family brings people into the light. It becomes much harder to hide behind polished platforms when brothers and sisters know your joys, struggles, weaknesses, and fears.
Family doesn’t eliminate sin, but provides an environment where confession, correction, restoration, encouragement, and perseverance become normal parts of life.
The New Testament consistently calls believers to “walk in the light,” encourage one another daily, bear one another’s burdens, and watch over one another. You can’t do this from a distance.
Something Worth Longing For and Pursuing
Perhaps one reason so many leaders feel isolated is because they have unknowingly settled for “ministry partnerships” instead of spiritual family.
The relationships Paul describes in Philippians and his other writings, as well as Peter and John should not simply be admired as ancient history. They should awaken holy longing.
- Imagine serving Christ alongside people who genuinely carry one another’s burdens.
- Imagine relationships where affection is sincere, correction is welcomed, encouragement is frequent, and no one labors alone.
This was normal New Testament Christianity, and what God intends for us.
May God restore to His Church not merely stronger organizations or more effective networks, but authentic spiritual families where leaders and churches truly become “fellow workers,” “beloved brothers,” and “partakers of grace together.”
This is the biblical experience many leaders lack. And it is one every leader should long for.